meditation – Between The Pillars

Dark Meditations with Archangel Samael

November 15, 2021January 10, 2022Tagged Angel, Angels, Archangel, black magick, dark, esoteric, hermeticism, kabbalah, magic, magick, meditation, paganism, power, qlipphoth, religion, ritual, samael, sephiroth, spell, spirituality, white magick3 Comments

Hello. It’s me.

This Mercury Retrograde has been..annoying, to say the least. But now things should get back on track, hopefully. I’m still working on the next book, which has now been in the works for a while now.

There’s also some major changes coming to both the Blog and Patreon.

I’ve also gotten very busy lately in life, especially my non-occult pursuits. Recently, my magick has evolved in big way. The knowledge that I have sought after for a long time, is finally being revealed to me, and I’m being asked to share it. I’m trying of course, but it isn’t always clear how this stuff should be made public.

I’ve always strived to make the contents of this blog as clear and accessible as possible. But in the pursuit of that simplicity, I’ve somehow managed to make everything complicated.

It’s polarity. What is simple takes more effort to understand. What is complicated is easier to understand.

For example, imagine a complex math equation. Such an equation can be written in just one line, but it represents years of study and work. To the average person, it looks like gibberish, but to a mathematician, who understands the symbols and theorems behind it, everything is very clear.

On the other hand, we could show the entire proof of the equation. We could fill an entire page with formulae, showing how we arrived at the equation. This makes the task of reading it a lot harder, but now any person who knows basic arithmetic can follow along. But, this means true mathematicians must sit through a lot more tedium just to get to the point.

So who should I write for?

I think there’s enough material out there for absolute beginners of magick, and often such material doesn’t go deeper. It doesn’t need to. So why cover trodden ground?

What’s the point going over pages upon pages of theory and tables and correspondences? What’s the point explaining, for the 1000th time, how to make a sigil or charge a candle? Why would anyone need to read an article on Between the Pillars for something like that, where there’s already hundreds of five minute youtube videos explaining it?

You see, I was afraid. I didn’t want to be the crazy guy, standing in the city square, ringing a bell shouting “it’s a lie, it’s a lie! History is a lie, culture is a lie, religion is a lie. They’re lying to you! They’ve been lying to you for twenty five centuries!!”

But now I think: why do I need to go to the city square? There are enough people to do that. I could also be the crazy guy living in a hut in the forest, saying the same thing but only attracting the attention of those who would care to listen.

I’m a bit of an elitist, which probably comes as no surprise to anyone. This knowledge isn’t for everyone, and I won’t pretend that it is. I want to share what I’ve learned with others who are on the same page, with those who understand, because that’s how our community grows and evolves, and how new ideas are generated. The longer we pretend to involve everyone, the longer we delay.

And if it scares or upsets people, so be it. Fear is all they’ll ever know. No more hiding.

This is a blog. A blog is like a journey. My journey. Today, I’m going to share an experience I had recently with the Archangel Samael.

Revisiting Samael

My invocation of the Archangel Samael was the very first post I ever made to this blog. Over time, I have made various edits and cleanups, and a few years back I went and updated all the older posts on the blog, including that one. The updates were mostly addendums about how my opinions about certain things had changed, or how my understanding had developed or evolved. At times, entire concepts from older posts had become obsolete. Instead of just getting rid of them, I simply included an update regarding them. This way, people can read the original material along with my evolving opinions.

Most occultists change their opinions and beliefs extensively throughout their lives. Dogma is really bad for magick, and if you read the works of any prominent occult or esoteric writers, you will see they rarely ever ‘double down’ on things they previously believed. That doesn’t mean what was believed before is ‘wrong’, merely that it has served some purpose and now is no longer needed. That’s how spiritual evolution works.

The Archangel Samael is a very, very important and prominent part of my magickal journey. Despite this, I haven’t written much about him, and that’s largely because there was a massive gap between my early days of spiritual dabbling, and eventual initiation into the Golden Dawn system, where I rarely invoked him in any major way. Yes, there were times when I called him, but it was never something to write a whole blog post about.

The experience I’m going to write about today is a recent experience that’s actually worth sharing.

Not a ‘ritual’ exactly. More like a meditative trance I was guided in the middle of the night. I was half asleep, which is apparently a great time for spiritual work and to receive messages. According to Samael, conscious resistance is very low, and information can be downloaded easily.

As I recently explained on my Patron, spirit communication does not happen in words. Rather, it takes place in the form of impressions, which the conscious mind then unpacks and translates into language. When a trance is deep, the impressions are all that come, and barely become words. That was the case here. So all the messages I write are actually paraphrased, rather than straight dictates.

At it’s purest and highest forms, such communication is even more sublime. Rather than impressions, a whole concept or set of information gets instantly understood and internalised. This is called Gnosis, or ‘knowing’.

The Dark Meditation

I did not plan this meditation. But that’s just how synchronicity works. I was going to sleep at midnight, but ended up staying awake till 2am.

It was dark and cold, and suddenly I started to feel like…well, like not sleeping. Instead, the thought of calling on Archangel Samael and meditating came to me. And when I say ‘came to me’, that’s how messages from the Higher Self come. You simply know that a certain thing needs to be done at a certain point.

I was guided to turn off the lights, get some water and sit on my bed to meditate. I was about to draw the curtains, but a sharp resistance stopped me. This ritual was to be done in total darkness.

I was also guided to put on my headphones and use some ambient music for the meditation. At first, I tried some generic choir music. But then I was urged to specifically find thunder, lighting and rain, because those are apt for calling Samael. At this point he was already around, by the way. The ‘calling’ is more a formality to match our wavelengths. So I was about to start, and then it struck me: what mantra or enn to use? I had nothing prepared after all!

Samael told me to go online on my phone, and look for an enn. So I did, and found many, many different people, all with different enns that they claimed was the ‘correct’ version. Then Samael spoke:

“You see how many mantras there are? And they all will work! There is no ‘correct’ mantra, and there never was..”

I was then informed that essentially ALL mantras, enns and hymns, in all religions and spiritual traditions, were essentially barbarous speech. That is to say, one must think of a deity, focus on its energy, and then simply start chanting. The words come naturally, but have no logical meaning.

Apparently, this is how the ancient sages channeled hymns and such, and why most spiritual traditions were oral (for example, the Vedas). But then these utterings were noted down, memorised and repeated. And thus the original effect and power was lost or diluted.

Therefore, I simply began to channel a hymn to Samael. You’ll remember that when I first invoked him, I’d ALSO channeled a hymn. But this time, it was not English words. It was simply incantations meant to push deeper into trance. He also clarified that barbarous speech and words of power are not the same thing. Words of Power DO need to be spoken exactly as intended, and there the sound produced itself has power. It should also be noted that devotional songs, as well as subconscious affirmations neither barbarous speech nor words of power, but two separate things entirely.

Anyway, as I invoked, the darkness around me got thicker, and my heartrate went up. The trance got stronger and stronger, and I fell fully immersed in the ambient thunder and rain. I saw visions of the sky opening, and a mighty angel with many wings descending. It was all in black and white, and completely silent. Absolute silence is a very common aspect of Samael.

Now, here’s how I was directed to do the meditation. It followed a very normal pattern of energising the chakras and aura. Normally, I visualise light entering my chakras, moving down the central channel, and finally radiating out to my aura, energising me. This I do often, and Samael directed me to do something similar, but with darkness instead.

At first, my immediate reaction was to stop it, because I normally visualize impurity and profane energy as darkness. Like for example, when I am taking a ritual bath, I will visualise my body covered in a black ink, and it gets washed away. My subconscious understands black energy as negativity. But then Samael informed me:

“Darkness is not negative. That’s just how you choose to perceive impurity. If you want, you could visualise impurity in any other way, so why choose darkness? Darkness is also the colour of emptiness. Darkness is the colour of the inner void, that empty place where the inner light dwells!”

He then recited the famous Golden Dawn motto I hold very dearly to myself: “The light shineth in the darkness, but the darkness comprehendeth it not..”. I believe it is a Biblical saying.

Interestingly, I had once called on Samuel Lidell Mathers (the founder of the Golden Dawn who had chosen this phrase in the first place), and indeed he had come. When I questioned him regarding this axiom, he actually gave me a second part of it: “and the darkness hideth in the Light, but the Light seeketh it not.”

In case you didn’t know, the Golden Dawn adepts count, to a certain degree, as ascended masters. It’s easier to call them when you also belong to the tradition.

Samael then explained that he was the spirit of the inner void. He was the emissary of the inner womb, the darkness from which the light shines. He explained that one must look deeper into the darkness, to perceive the light. He explained that this could be a scary and radical act for many magicians. However, since I had already faced many of my fears and overcome many of my complexes, it would be relatively easy for me.

“You have already suffered. You are already emptied, and prepared to receive the Light”

And then I began the visualisation without fear. “Fear is failure, and the forerunner to failure” as the GD axiom goes.

First, I visualised a deep, absolute darkness fill my Crown chakra. Then it travelled down, to my Third eye, and so on, down the channel. Normally I visualise white planetary symbols on my chakras as they fill with light, but now I visualised black symbols of the planets instead. The darkness travelled down, all the way to my Root chakra. Then it coursed through my body, and radiated out to fill my aura.

The light is cold, but the darkness feels warm. I felt empty, barely conscious, and without resistance, fear or doubt. At that moment, everything fell still and silent.

Then it began: some sort of transformation, along with a whole host of messages. I will do my best to recall.

The Messages from Darkness

The Archangel Samael told me the root of his name. As you know, the name Samael is often translated as the ‘poison of god’.

“Indeed, darkness is the blinding venom of God. For the foolish, it can be terrifying. But the wise can navigate it without fear”

He then drew my attention to the secret syllable ‘Sham‘, which is a root word in Hindu tantra, and used for a specific purpose in Kundalini yoga. He told me that this is the real root of his name, and is a word of power. It is also where the term ‘Ha Shem’ comes from, which denotes the 72 fold name of God in Judaism. It is the root of the Persian word ‘Shyam’, meaning evening, and also the root word for Shamash, the Babylonian term for the Sun.

Thus, the Archangel Samael (Sham-ah-il) is associated with the Kundalini. The Kundalini is a feminine, draconic force that rests in all individuals. There’s little more I can say regarding that.

At this point, my back began to hurt. This is quite a common thing that happens when meditating, especially if one does not have a proper seat or cushion. Normally, the key is to simply ignore it and get through it. Samael explained why this is

“The minor pains and annoyances are meant to keep the unworthy away from this knowledge. This knowledge is meant only for those who are prepared. This is the first threshold to cross, and very few shall ever cross it. You must resist the urge to stop.”

So I continued despite the minor aching in my lower back and knees. As I know from experience, it goes away in a little while.

I got further messages.

“People fear the darkness because it reflects their fears. It forces them to turn within and acknowledge the emptiness they harbour”

I saw ghosts. I saw phantoms. I saw serpents. A ghost came up, and was inches from my face.

“But he who has recognised that the dakrness comes from within has nothing to fear. No force can harm him, because he recognises that all is within. A mere reflection!”

I saw the creatures melt into puddles of darkness, and then merge into a massive shadow which was emanating from my own body.

“People focus only on the light, and neglect the darkness. This halts the process of ascension. Everyday, you meditate on the light. From now on, meditate once on the darkness and once on the light each day.”

I came to realise that I was totally immersed in Boas, Pillar of Severity. I could see orange flames inside me, and a flaming orange Swastika in my crown chakra. I also saw a white, glowing symbol on my root chakra, shaped like a wheel. They looked..organic.

“True symbols of power are revealed in visions, but people are unable to copy them. So they become simplified, distorted and eventually lost”

I then realised that this weird wheel like thing, which almost looked like an iris drawn in chalk, was the actual symbol of Spirit. It dawned on me that this was the original inspiration behind the more well known symbol:

It looked a lot more organic and ‘real’, and it dawned on me that all magickal symbols were simply an approximation of the real thing, almost like a motif. The real symbols were too complex to remember and replicate, so simplified symbols were made instead, to act as anchors for those forces. It was like comparing a real object, to a simplified picture of it.

I saw the Tarot card of Death, and I realised that Samael was the very embodiment of it. He brought death, upheaval and rebirth. To many, Death represents the absolute end of things. But to magicians, it is in fact an important threshold to cross in order to truly awaken.

I was then told that I was at the second threshold of the meditation: boredom and emptiness. I was told that now a strong desire to end the meditation would come, believing that all the work was done. Instead, I should continue. I was led to bend my back downwards, while still sitting, so that my head was touching the ground.

“This posture causes blood to rush to the head, activating the spiritual senses and pineal gland”

I then realised that both Hindus and Muslims do this. We place our head on the ground during or at the end of prayer, but it is normally a sign of prostration and submission.

“A misunderstood gesture. The true purpose of this gesture was to bring blood to the head, and bring alertness, activating the psychic senses.”

As I sat there, head down, I was told to cover my eyes and “focus on the void”.

Then I sat up again, and now I could feel an immense power rising up inside me. A chill passed through me, and I was covered in goosebumps. And then the energy and adrenaline exploded inside me, spreading out my heads in rapid, spontaneous movements. I was reminded of traditional dance. I realised that religious and traditional dances were originally a way to channel and direct energy this way, and modern dynamic dance forms still do this. The products of culture: dance, language, song and art, were never meant to be repetitive, reproduced or dogmatically adhered to. All of it was meant to be natural expressions of the energy that builds up inside.

And then I was done. I was a bit tired so I fell back on my bed. The Archangel Samael commended me on making it through that. I asked “So, are we done”

“We are never done. This was the first part of the meditation. You can rest and continue later”

But I asked why I couldn’t just do it then and there. I wanted to see how far I could go. So I told Samael “take me as far as you can”

“How far I can take you: no person can go”

“Then take me as far as I can go”

Then I sat up, after a bit of rest, and began meditating once again.

The Light Meditation

The second time was a more standard meditation. I visualised a beam of radiant light, as often. But it was so much more powerful than I have ever felt. Once again, I visualised white light coming into my Crown Chakra, then down the channel to the Root, fill my body and radiate into my aura. The Light was bright, cool and full of life.

It was not Samael now, but another figure. I could see a vibrant purple. As weird as this may sound, the energy felt almost ‘biblical’.

It was the Archangel Metatron, as I would later realise. And he told me a variety of things. By then I was so deep in trance that I could not comprehend most of it, but I must have downloaded all the messages subconsciously.

He told me that the ancient prophets, magi and sages underwent similar meditation.

“When the sages of the past, emerged from their meditations and went into the world, they faced ridicule and mockery, and they were attacked and challenged. But they were not affected, for they understood that all they saw and encountered, was an expression of themselves. And so, they laughed in the face of adversity and mockery, and no harm could come to them”

I was also told:

“Spirit is immortal and everlasting, and it has no need to fear. It cannot be touched or harmed, and nothing can exist, which is not part of it. Therefore, have no fear before anyone, for you can accomplish anything.”

The visions came further. I saw old men and women, from all over the world. They were from many different times and of many different races, in many different garbs. They were invoking the mysteries, and they had ascended and seen the inner light.

“You have no idea how powerful you are. This power should not be ridiculed, nor underestimated. Never profane that which is sacred”

I saw purple spirals, like rolling wings, before my eyes. It was all lighted up, like someone shining a torch in my eyes. Now, this is pretty standard for meditation, and has happened before. But it was somehow more powerful, more grounded.

Often, meditation makes me feel light and disconnected. But now I felt immersed in the world, in reality itself.

I saw the dark and the light body next to each other. And then, they merged, and overlapped, and became one. The chakras were neither light nor dark. Instead, they were like black balls of crystal with a powerful light shining inside them, making them glow.

“The light shineth in the darkness, and the darkness comprehendeth it not. The darkness hideth in the light, and the light seekest it not.”

I was witnessing Spirit shine within Matter. The union of the Male and the Female.

Damn.

I was told that this was, and always has been known to the great Masters. But it is generally not spoken of, and kept hidden. It was only taught to students who were ready.

But secrecy had caused the knowledge to be distorted, and misunderstood by the masses. It had created the false dichotomy of Spirit and Matter, and matter, the feminine, was suppressed. Spirit, which was masculine, having lost its connection to Matter, appeared tyrannical and harsh, like a wrathful God punishing his subjects.

Conclusions

Am I telling you to try this meditation?

Absolutely.

But, it may be different for you. Essentially, the Archangel Samael told me that every type of meditation has two forms: a light form, and a dark form. Both should be done. Over time, both shall happen simultaneously.

For example, when you meditate on the chakras, and fill them with white light, you should also do one for darkness. Every meditation of light has a counterpart, which is the same meditation with darkness.

As I’m sure you know, the work of magick produces obstacles. When we, for example, start invoking the light, it forces our life to become purified. We may be forced to shine a light on those parts of ourselves which we are ignoring, to let go of toxic beliefs and ideas, and so forth. Invoking the darkness is similar, and can only happen when a person has internalised the light.

Otherwise, instead of power, you shall find repressed memories, fears, complexes, and all sorts of other hidden aspects of oneself. The darkness will become scary, and terrifying.

I’ve done the darkness meditation several times now, and at one time I was faced with waves and waves of terror, and I became paralyzed with fear. Then I faced it once again, but this time I was not afraid. It’s hard to put in words. But, I was told that this is a test. Each time I maintain my calm, and face the terror, I grow stronger. It subsides, and dissolves like a mirage.

Reminds me of that scene from the new Dune film (which I have already watched three times because I love it), where Lady Jessica is reciting a prayer against fear.

This is not a practice for beginners, because it will test you. But those who have already internalized the light, who have already faced their fears and and redeemed their inner self, this may be a vital practice. This may be why so many of us, who have fully internalized the light, begin to feel weak, ungrounded or unable to face the darkness of the ‘real’ world. It’s because this crucial part of the puzzle was kept hidden.

An Angel once literally told me “The ancient magi, fearing that the key would fall into the wrong hands, broke it into two, and scattered the pieces in different directions”.

This is the other part of the puzzle. The darkness, or Matter, is a receptacle for the light of Spirit, and must be invoked by a balanced adept. It will give much needed strength and a feel of connection to the world around.

This is real. This is really how it is. So do with it what you will. I will see you soon.

~Peace and Farewell
White Raven Invictus

The Tree of Life in Yetzirah

October 4, 2018June 11, 2020Tagged air, angelic choire, Angels, ascent, ego, element, Expereinces, golden dawn, hermeticism, journey, kabbalah, kundalini, light work, lightning path, magic, magick, meditation, meditations, methods, new age, path, religion, self, sephiroth, spheres, tree of life, white magick, yetzirah2 Comments

Written: October 4th, 2018 | Edited: 27th March 2019

Alright. I’ve not posted in 2 months. Part of that is I was moving back to India after living in Europe for 6 months and got very busy. I was working on and off on a post about Nativism vs Globalism in Occult, but it just turned into 6000 word political drivel, so I just stopped. Maybe eventually that stuff will see the light of day.

But anyway. Let us talk about the Tree of Life in Yetzirah. Last year, I wrote about my experience meditating on each Sephirah of the Tree in Assiah, and briefly explained how the four Trees of Life work in Kabbalah. Read that if you’re unfamiliar with the four worlds model.

What is Yetzirah

This is, like last time, a week by week documentation of the meditations on each of the ten Sephirah. Much like Assiah corresponds to the element of Earth and the Material World/Body, Yetzirah corresponds to the element of Air and the Astral World/Mind, and thus most of effects were psychological.

It is worth mentioning that the energies of each sphere were not nearly as intense as those in Assiah. Maybe it is because Earth is the first and hardest element to master. We are, after all, primarily living and functioning in the world of Matter. The material world has many forces largely outside our control and we have far more control over our own Mind. I was also prepared this time.

Yetzirah corresponds to the element of Air, and the GD Grade of Theoricus (2=9). This is placed at Yesod. The idea of these meditations is to develop the Mind, and by definition the Ego.

The Assiatic Tree corresponded to the Astrological houses (which includes the elements, Planets, The Zodiac and Polaris). Similarly, Yetzirah contains the various Angelic choirs of the Kabbalah. Bear in mind that the GD definitions stay true to the original mystical meanings (at least, as far as Hermetic Kabbalah in concerned), and not the various later interpretations, present in modern Judaism and Christainity. These later interpretations are due to the attempt to reconcile the two religions, and have them “fit” whatever narrative the Church was following in any given period. Whenever needed, I’ll mention such discrepancies in the names. I’m sure that many of the new interpretations serve the religious purposes of these traditions. However, I am more concerned with the Occult purposes. Also important: leave any knowledge you have of Angelic hierarchies from New Agery at the doorstep.

Ashim|Souls of Fire

The Ashim (also “Ishim” or “Eshim”) are the Souls of Fire. In mythology, it refers to the souls of men who lived a just and good life, and became angels upon passing. They are the closest to mortal affairs. They are said to be beautiful, made of ice and fire, which is an interesting duality. They correspond to Malkuth (in Yetzirah. This will apply to each Sephiroth).

The first four spheres are difficult and test you more than reward you. I was prepared for this, but it still hit hard. Almost right off the bat, I went into a mental rut. I was not able to pay attention to stuff I was doing, nor truly able process most thoughts that came to my mind. I put up with this lack of alertness by directing my attention to memes, youtube videos and a bit of light sketching. I became absent minded (one time, I forgot my laudry was in the machine and left it there for 3 and a half hours). I also ate simple food, because I literally could not bring myself to think about cooking.

Well, this began to ease around the 6th or 7th day, when I began to get my shit together. Interestingly, during this period I got a lot of menial tasks done, and watched a bunch of movies I’d been putting off. It’s amazing just how much time goes off just thinking, and processing thoughts.

When you’re a magician, and a ceremonial one at that, you have a great tendency to be lost in deep thought, and this is actually quite a waste of time. I realised this then, but it took almost 4 months before I was able to fully rid myself of the habit and start being more productive. It seems Malkuth in Yetzirah corresponds to the lowest part of the mind, engaged in the performance of menial, automatic tasks.

Kerubim|The Strong Ones

When one thinks of a “Cherub” you think of the little winged babies that shoot arrows at people to get them to fall in love. This was largely a Catholic idea, and the result of trying to incorporate the Roman God of Love, Cupid, into Catholic imagery.

He had been “babified” to make him more “innocent”, something the Romans had already begun by depicting him as a young boy.

The original Cupid, and his older Greek form Eros, the son of Venus/Aphrodite, was depicted as a handsome young man with delicate features: a more virile God of Love and Male fertility, and earlier still Eros was a more terrifying, primordial God, almost akin to the primal male force called Yogi.

Although the Christian version of Cherubs is a bit flawed, the original Kerubim in the Judaic tradition were the Choir of Angels associated with Yesod. Yesod is the Foundation, and the Kerubim are the strong, unearthly spirits that uphold it. Yesod is also associated with sexuality, and that may be how the Cherubs become associated with Cupid. The Kerubim were also shown as guardians of the Mesopotamian Tree of Life, supporting the thrones of deities (which is also very relevant to their role in Yesod). They are shown as having 4 heads: a lion, an eagle, a bull and a man. These, of course, symbolize the Holy Living Ones of Kabbalah and the Egyptian tradition. If you google “Mesopotamia s

Sexual Energy is the Foundation. Preserve it, but don’t let it decay. This means a lot and cannot be unpacked here, though most people reading will have some sense of it. As far as I can tell, the Kerubs guard the way to the Tree of Life, and consequently, the higher spheres of the conscious mind.

To go through Yesod in Yetzirah meant having to withstand, endure and fight against some of the strongest subconscious influences, like lust, lethargy and distraction. The entire duration of this, I was constantly aroused and uninspired, and very tired, and was even going to bed as early as 10 pm. There were all sorts of other little things, like barely making it in time in the morning. One day, I lost my sketchpad. I looked EVERYWHERE, and at the end I was literally convinced it had been stolen by some supernatural entity (it had slipped under the mattress. Go figure).

This taught me very less, and was more of a survival challenge. However, it made one very important change in my life. You see, like most normal people, I still believed the bullshit food pyramid issued by the US Department of Agriculture in the 1980s.

In order to combat this overwhelming fatigue, I started to see if I could make changes to my diet. Me, and a friend of mine who’s a health/fitness nut, delved deeper into the nutrition thing. Like everyone, most of our food was carbs and sugar, which is apparently a terrible plan.
This is an occult blog, so I don’t want to talk much about food, but after this I began to switch to a more high fat and protein diet, while eating less carbs and almost entirely eliminating sugar. Needless to say, I’ve been much better and energetic. Yesod in Yetzirah also related to perception itself. I was so convinced that it was a spiritual forces I needed to worry about that was causing all these issues. This was my own flawed perception, and it turned out to be things as simple as diet and mental alertness that I had to work on.

Beni Elohim|Children of Gods

“Oy vey, what’s this White Raven?! Hmm? Are you insinuating that the original Hebraic and other related traditions were originally polytheistic and pagan, until some intolerant upstarts demonised the Hebrew Gods and all foreign influence, and subtly changed the entire theological and spiritual structure to fit into a monotheistic doctrine so that they could keep all the stuff that came from supposed devil worshipers??!”

Why yes, yes I am.

“Oy Gevalt..!!”

STOP.
Now calm down. First off, before you start freaking out: no, I am not an anti-semite. If I was, I wouldn’t be sitting here explaining the subtleties of Jewish mysticism. I just have e d g y t a s t e s.
And yes, most other religions all did such things (including my own), and it’s something we have to accept. But remember, Judaism should be no more exempt from critical analysis (by outsiders) than any other religion.

Yes, Elohim quite literally means “Gods” and Beni Elohim means “Children of Gods”, and they reside in Hod, the sphere corresponding to Mercury. In modern Judaic, and some Christian, traditions, the “Beni Elohim” have become related to figures like the Nephilim, Fallen Angels, Demons etc.

Any intellectually honest follower of Judaism and Christianity will see that there is no single consensus on what these terms mean, and it’s all really a product of mistranslations and distortions of the Abrahamic texts. Most modern work on them involves massively misunderstanding Biblical texts.

In the Old Testament, Beni Elohim have been defined as an Angels that descended to the Earth and procreated with human women, and gave birth to a race of giants.
In the Hermetic tradition, as well as in the Kabbalistic tradition, it doesn’t matter.

The “Fallen Angels”, Azazel and his followers, taught Man the material sciences, and the art of war and weaponry. They were removed from divinity, but served as Initiatory figures in the lower planes. This is also the critical and analytical state of mind. This is part of Hod.

In a way, they pulled us out of our natural state. One might say that this is bad, and that we humans should adhere and submit to nature. That is, to some degree, the hippie position. But to be dragged out of one’s inherent base nature is to escape stagnation, to become aware of and escape habits.

We are supposed to sleep as long as we want on weekends, and take warm showers. When things don’t work out easily, or are difficult, it is seemingly better to leave them be, to eat when we are hungry, fornicate from time to time and enjoy our free time through leisure. This is after all, the natural and innocent state of man.

Why then, was this knowledge of science, technology and art taught to us? Why did we develop rules and tenets, why did we diverge so far from our natural state? As any hippie worth his organic salt will tell you it is not important and all these things are evil.

But you know what? Through the pursuit of unnatural things born of the ego and desire, such as discipline, self control, aggression, tool making, schedules, diets, exercise, grooming, and self initiated challenges, such as abstinence, fasting and heck, even going out of your way to take cold showers, have strengthened us and helped us overcome the bindings of material nature.

They are what gave us the name of homo sapien, the Thinking Man, and separated us from animals, capable of logical analysis, critical thinking, and scientific reason. They are not wrong, and the knowledge and challenges presented by the Beni Elohim, which seem like a waste of time, are actually the tools to empower us. No one ever said that man in his simple, animalistic state was truly a man. We become conscious for a reason, and and we return to the Source not as innocent beasts, but as akin to Gods themselves.

In the Bhagawat Gita, it says that the Supreme Being sends forth Souls of man, gods, demons and spirits in every Cycle, but when they return to Him, they are no longer fragments of his Consciousness, but fully developed Individuals. Let no one ever tell you to disregard all that your ancestors have built, and live akin to animals.

Update (2019): In the Hermetic tradition, Azazel and the like are meant to be figures that resent Creation and believe that the Divine Plan of the All mind to perceive itself is a pointless endeavor, due to the sheer pain and suffering that is present in the Universe. The mythological version states that they want the Divine Plan to be abandoned, so that all may return to the state of Unity once more.

The angels of light, instead, want the Divine plan to be fulfilled and a return to Unity that way. Ultimately, all forces want the same thing, and thus they all help the magician. This is a metaphor of course, but I think it’s closer to the truth than the good/evil dichotomy of organised religion. This is the reason for the Yin/Yang symbol, where the two forces are held in balance together.

However, in the mythology, Azazel and his kin wanted to ensure that only the worthy would practice magick, to ensure that those who are allowed to progress on the spiritual path would be sure to full-fill the Divine Plan, and perhaps end the suffering of existence. So they challenged us, distracted us, and gave us powerful tools that could tear us down if we let it get out of hand. All of this was a test, to see if man could survive, and prove himself. There are alternative versions of the myth of course, but this is my preferred one.

Elohim|The Gods

In modern religious thought, “Elohim” is simply defined as another name for God in the Bible. However, this word has become notorious ever since it came to light that in the original Hebrew, it would have been a plural. While El, meaning God, is singular, Elohim, is plural, literally meaning Gods. It can also be interpreted as dual, the collective term for El (God) and Eloha (Goddess).

The first line of Genesis, in modern English, is “In the beginning, God created the heavens and earth.”

However, this line in the original Hebrew version it is Bereshit bara Elohim et hashamayim ve’et ha’aretz, which literally translates as “And so, the Gods created the two heavens and Earth”.

I add “And so” at the beginning, because the statement implies a kind of continuity, and persistence, rather than a beginning.

Now, I am no one to preach to a Jew or a Christian what his religion means. That is up to them to decide. The truth is, this is simply the linguistics, and the actual history and development of the word, much like that of the Old Testament itself, is not fully clear.

Many people have interpreted this as simply referring to the infinite and pluralistic nature of God, while yet others have insisted that “Elohim” was merely a generic term for all Gods of Israel and the surrounding region, and still refers to the Abrahamic deity. Maybe this is so. There is a fantastic historical and linguistic content creator on YouTube called Metatron. He is very credible, well read and Christian. He unpacks this in a brilliant video here.

However, in the Hermetic Kabbalah, being a very academic system, we consider Elohim is mean “Gods”, and it falls on the sphere of Netzach. This choir implies endurance, and the birth of a firm determination to follow your passions.

During this week, I felt devoted, and driven to do what I had to. Be it listening to a podcast, designing or filming, exercising, doing dishes, illustrating, and even rituals. I do daily rituals, and they aren’t very long, but in this period I once held a meditative state for a prolonged period of time, wanting to see how far I could go.

By the end, I was a bit tired and drained. I had picked up a few excessive obsessions this week, like the obsession with counting calories and trying to multi task way too much. I suppose it was an excess of Netzach energy. As the week ended, I dropped such pointless and pretentious obsessions. We are not machines, but it’s also good to understand one’s limits. Most people don’t. I certainly didn’t, and probably am still in the process of learning.

Melekim|Kings

You see, in Judaism, the word for “Angel” is Mal’ak. According to Ben Shapiro, a conservative american Jew who does political commentary, the word literally means “messenger” in Hebrew.

From what I can find, no one really uses the word “Melekim” anymore, and when they do, they simply mean it as generic “angel”, same as Mal’ak. Kind of odd if you ask me, because they derived “Moloch”, the Judeo-Christian demon, from Mal’ak, meaning ‘Mal’ak’ was the God of some unfortunate pagan semitic-tribe.

Melekim is the angelic choir associated with Tiphareth, which you will know corresponds to the sun and the Self. Whatever comes to your mind when you think “Angel”, the archetypal idea of a divine being of light with wings, which serve as messengers between the Self and the Ego, or God and Man, in pure white robes and a golden halo/sun disk, are the Melekim. The solar symbolism should be obvious.

The first morning was exceedingly calm. This week I got a lot of stuff done. I got several periods of creative inspiration, which came as prolonged bursts of insight. This was also the period of a very important project, which I am glad I had not had to do in the previous weeks, in the lower spheres.

On the other hand, this was also a period of Ego inflation, as this was basically Tiphareth (Self in Ego) in Yetzirah (Ego).

I have an interesting thing to share. Often I pace around the room, thinking about stuff. I am pretty sure most people will get what I mean. I’m referring to that constant internal dialogue you have, where you process thoughts, ponder over things, and talk to yourself. I don’t know if everyone does it how I do, pacing around the room, but I know that everyone does it in some way.

Naturally, such period are great traps, because sometimes you get caught up in a particular line of thought that simply goes on and on, until you suddenly catch yourself. You realise you’ve actually managed to tire yourself from pacing and thinking, and have wasted almost an hour. You then get back to what you are doing, the mind being somewhat quieter.

I know one of the goals of meditation is to learn to stop following such lines of thoughts, and just observe them as they come. This is what the Tibetans call “the monkey brain” because it is always chattering. It is, ultimately, as aspect of the Ego.

My monkey brain is especially talkative, and though I’ve been learned to stop running after it, sometimes I can’t help myself and stumble upon some particularly interesting set of thoughts. (FYI, remember, Sexual Energy is the Foundation. Do not weaken that, for that keeps the Monkey in check.)

During one of the later nights of the week, after a walk through the forest with some friends, I was awake till very late. My poor attempt at making Slavic food (a rice dish called Plov) had gone badly, and I wasn’t entirely calm. My mind was running through various thoughts. I don’t know how long I paced, but since it was late and I had nothing else to do, I allowed my mind to run loose and I continued to pace, and my mind went from one thing to the next, chattering away about all manner of things. On and on, I willingly paced.

Then something very peculiar happened. For the first time in my life, I reached the end of such a line of thoughts.

You see, normally we don’t reach the end of our thoughts, just cut them short. Through the practice of meditation, one learns to stop following the thoughts. They’re still there, you’re just choosing not to run after them. But to actually reach the end, was a weird and mystical experience.

I believe Paulo Cohelo, the Brazilian author, alluded to this in one his books. I think it was in The Valkyries. It was like my mind had been steadily producing some physical substance that had been coming out of my head, and suddenly, this stream of stuff reached it’s end. It was like a physical hole in my head closed, and relaxed, as this stream of substance actually reached it’s end, instead of being cut off and withheld.

And I hate to make such a crude metaphor, but it was like I was in the toilet, and all the waste had been expelled, and my hind muscles relaxed, glad to be free to the burden of relieving oneself. I’ve heard a similar effect is produced by writing down all your thoughts, so you can stop thinking about them, and get them off your head onto paper.

I’d silently and patiently listened to the Monkey’s chattering to the very end. It actually had nothing more to say. I felt like I had not a single thought to produce. I felt a strange and deep silence, which was exaggerated by the late hour. True silence, with nothing to be heard, and nothing to be done, and a totally empty mind. Sleepiness and lack of food probably added to it.

I then proceeded to meditate until sunrise, without any distractions or thoughts. It was fun!

Seraphim|Fiery Serpents

In Christian and New Age literature the Seraphim are often the highest of the Angelic beings, while in Jewish hierarchy they are placed Fifth. On the Tree of Life they fall on the fifth Sephiroth, Geburah, being the warlike and forceful angels, thus called “Fiery Serpents”.

They’re depicted as having Six Wings, and help carry out ritual purification, mentioned as doing so in the story of Solomon and his Temple. The Serpent motif is an important one, often connected with Royalty, such as in Egypt and Japan, and with the Kundalini/Caduceus.

This week was a strange one.

There was great assertiveness, and way too much aggression, and at one point I exploded at someone. There were certain things that said person had been doing, that were bothersome to me and others, yet no one ever said anything, not wanting to bring in negativity into our work. Unfortunately, one day, having not slept the previous night for various reasons, I was cranky and tired, and it was as if all barriers of caution and doubt had given way. I just let loose, not angrily, but with a certain sternness. It was not a very good idea, but it was as if tension that been building up for weeks finally broke through. It felt good to say things bluntly and as they are, without regard to the norms that generally dictate social interactions.

Needless to say, all was forgiven eventually, and awkwardness eventually died out. We remain good friends, but sometimes it’s important to speak out for yourself. You’ll be amazed that others who feel the same, but can’t speak will keenly follow. This is especially true if you’re fortunate enough to be a naturally assertive person, since not everyone is.

Other than that, my appetite disappeared, and I went about 3-4 days without basically eating any meals. So I must have eaten snacks, but at the time I had little more than curd, nuts and fruit that was hanging about. Strangely though, I was full of energy, and experienced no side effects of not eating, going about my day as always, even exercising as usual.

Finally, an event of note. I had a plan with some friends to go somewhere. This plan, you see, had been delayed and cancelled several times, as getting everyone organised and ready to go out on a day always proved to be a chore. I think everyone reading can relate. The classic torture of trying to make travel plans that always fall through at the end.

This particular night, as usual, at maybe 2-3 am, each of them pulled out one after another. We were supposed to leave next morning.

All had some excuse or another, and I think for at least 3 or 4 out of 6 it was just that they’d had way too much to drink. I had avoided drinking for this very reason. I’m also that guy in the group who’s good at planning, so I usually take charge in making plans and such, trying to make sure everything’s taken care of.

I think that night it finally hit me. I just thought “fuck it, i’ll just go do shit alone”.

I mean, these were my good and close friends, with whom I have shared many fond memories. But after that, until the time of return, I traveled extensively, going far and wide, and alone. Sure, sometimes I accompanied others, but I entirely gave up on trying to get others organised.

I think it was ultimately based on my own fear of travelling alone, always wanting at least the assurance of someone else. Let’s be honest, a lot of people are like this. No one enjoys doing stuff alone, mainly because we feel self conscious.

But this was an important moment. After this, travelling alone over far distances, seeing all sorts of things became easier. Heck, I like films and always tried to encourage others to go see movies with me. Now I just went alone.

I’m not a loner or an introvert. I enjoy the company of others. I’ve just realised that few people actually enjoy seeking out experiences, and it’s much, much easier to be independent.

Strangely, it strengthened my bonds with friends, as they were no longer people I depended on for company so I could go places, and instead became people whose company I genuinely desired.

Some people found this attitude of mine very strange. I’d abruptly wake up early in the morning, grab my things and catch the train to another city. Halfway through the day people would ask me where I was, and I’d just tell them honestly. They found it odd that I’d just left without any noise. And I think some also longed to do things completely by themselves. I remember there was always someone who wanted to go do something specific, but everyone would always be busy or not interested.

So I say to you: fuck it all. Just go do whatever you want to do, wherever you want to do it, and don’t wait for others, or you’ll waste your entire life waiting. Who is destined to share those experiences, will come along naturally.

Chashmalim|Brilliant Ones

Chashmalim (often written Hashmalim) are the Angelic choir of Chesed (also pronounced with the same guttural “Ch”, as in Ch/Hasidic Jew). In modern Hebrew, Chashmal translates as “electron” or “electricity”. Chesed is associated with mercy, kingship, wealth and other Jupiterian things.

This week brought a satisfying conclusion to a project I’d been working on for almost 6 weeks, which as I mentioned had begun at the same time as my meditations. At the end, I had to present a short film to a large batch of Europeans, none of whom who had a particularly good grasp of English.

And, Europeans being Europeans, decided that it would be a great idea to have a round of beer before I went on stage, in the goddamn afternoon.

Regardless to say though, it went great! Chashmalim, as the name suggest, are where all the mental energies lose momentum and settle down, being the final spot of true manifestation before the Abyss. No wonder it is the sphere of Kingship. One may say this is the pinnacle of the Rajasic/Kingly mode of being.

I also had an acute awareness that I was playing a character. In everything I did, it was not truly me who did it, but simply a persona that had been adopted. This is a more complex topic, I know, so I just mention it in passing. Chesed is the point of first manifestation in Yetzirah, which is the world of the mind, ego and personas. You may say it is the sphere where Personas form, and where one became aware that one is ultimately just adopting various Personas throughout life. These personas are the things that separates the lower spheres in Yetzirah from the Supernal Triad.

Realising that you adopt a persona, or rather a set of personas as you go about life, lets you realise that you are not the Persona itself, and the Persona does not rule you. When I went up on stage, I consciously adopted the Persona of a speaker, and it filled me with confidence and eloquence. I was able to communicate very well, and felt like public speaking was somehow very natural to me (even though it’s not).

Also, amusingly, this was when I first decided to grow a beard. You will remember that all beings associated with Chesed have beards, and I thought it looked kind of nice.

So yeah, I have a beard now.

Aralim|Thrones

Sometimes called Dominions by Christians, the Aralim are the choir of Binah. Depicted as wise elderly men, the Saturnine symbolism is obvious. While the Wheels (which we will get to) are the moving and active (masculine) force, the Aralim are the passive (feminine) and stable force, like the Vehicle driven by the Wheels.

As my work was done, and I had nothing much to do in the few weeks before returning home, this week I rested. Saturn is the place of rest, as Saturday is, and why God made the World in Six Days and rested on the Seventh.

It is also a time of things ending, and passing. People wrongly assume that Binah signifies “Loss”. Loss only occurs when one has formed an attachment to the things that are leaving his/her life. You can’t do that, since everything will end anyway, and wanting it not to simply invites suffering.

As I mentioned, my time in Europe was coming to a close, and also the time of others I knew. This week was filled with me saying goodbye to several of my friends one after another, as many of them left for their homes.

It felt strange, as there was no real guarantee we’d ever even see each other again. It was a very surreal experience for me, when I truly understood what the Buddha meant by “attachment brings suffering”. I was determined though, to allow things to pass as they would. And so it happened. People who almost saw each other as family by now departed, perhaps forever, going separate ways. Not much more to write about this, except that the last days were happy days. It was bit depressing though.

I also want to point out something you must have noticed already. My meditations in each sphere were peculiarly linked to real life circumstances that were fully external and well outside my own personal reality. The meditations always coincided with meaningful events. Such is the power of Synchronicity.

Auphanim|Wheels

These are the Wheels I mentioned earlier. They are depicted as Wheels covered in eyes, that are inhabited by the Kerubim. The colour of Chokmah and Yesod in Yetzirah are also shades of the same colour.

These are the Wheels that you may have seen in the myriad depictions of Angelic beings in Japanese media, and the symbolism of invisible Wheels that direct the forces of the Universe is a powerful one, ranging from the conceptual cycles of life and entropy, to the Chakras, to psychedelic visions of machinery, to the Wheel of Astrology, to the swirling galaxies and nebulae, to the very manner in which the fundamental forces work.

Chesed is the first force that directs the energy of Kether downward into the Tree, being the place of Tahuti and Uranus, as well the entirety of the Zodiac. In Judaic lore, the Wheels, also known as “Spheres” or “Whirlwinds”, move and hold up the Throne of God.

During this week I traveled extensively. I also broke through into new meditative states, but those are experienced and interpreted differently by everyone, so not much point trying to explain that. It would be the defining aspect of this week though. I had free time so I’d sit in silent meditation for long periods, to that point where all goes silent and the light appears. When all physical feeling is lost, and you suddenly become aware of the true nature of things, even though it is only a glimpse. I often meditated until sunrise, and then went to sleep.

Chayoth ha Qadesh|The Holy Living Ones

This refers to the Angelic Choir of Kether, and I suppose one may think of this as the collective angelic forces ruling over the astrological house of Neptune, and Polaris (The First Swirlings). It is also refers to the Holy Living Ones of kabbalah I mentioned in Kerubim: The Man, The Lion, The Bull and The Eagle, which symbolise the four elements, and the four faces of YHVH.

This is it, the Crown of Yetzirah, or the Mental/Astral World of thoughts, the highest State of the Conscious sphere, which exists as a manifest “God”, like the “God” of organised religious traditions.

I spent this entire week preparing to leave, and all momentum had slowed down. I was exceedingly calm, and totally alone, and these contributed to creating a very content State of mind. I do not have many reflections to share, except that I was quite content, and longing to return home. Thanks to Synchronicity, I returned home on the very last day of the Week, and of this meditation.

People who read this blog may know I have nationalistic leanings, but I did not know how much until I set foot on the soil on which I was born. Seeing my home, and my people after so long left me almost emotional, and hit me with a deep and profound sense of joy and happiness, to the point where I was smiling stupidly listening to the hordes. Coming to Delhi is jarring though, since it tends to completely disrupt and break all mental peace. Unfortunately, when you live in a region around a Capital, all the important stuff, including airports, are there. And Capital cities are often soulless dystopias.

Still, the familiar scents, sounds, and visuals made me feel grateful, for no amount of fantastic sensory experiences can ever parallel the beauty of one’s own homeland and people (and soon we were out of Delhi).

FYI, I don’t mean it in the sense of of race, religion or any subgroup, but as the broader, loosely defined concept of one’s own “community”, generally associated with, but not limited to, an ethnic group, or set of ethnic groups (as in India or America’s case), a cultural or spiritual unit, or an intellectual bloc or geopolitical zone. The land of your forefathers, your Gods and your fundamental values has a deep significance.

It is also why almost all Occult traditions ultimately lead people back to their roots, which is also why I think so many Occultists, especially in the West, follow native/pagan religions instead of Christianity, or have some version where they merge the two. This is true even in the Middle East. Even though Islam is an ethnic religion, almost all Islamic occult traditions have old pagan influence unique to each region (Arabic, Turkic, Persian etc.).

The Occult is, by nature, nativist. I am now entirely convinced of this, after having learned about countless occultists and occult traditions. T

his phony attempt, that has raged for 2000 years, to unite all peoples under a single artificial banner, a “correct” religion, some universal spirituality, is bullshit.

If there be some Universal Creed (which there most likely is), it is found through one’s own roots, and any attempt to enforce such a thing will inevitably be the product of some individual culture’s conditioning. That does not mean, by the way, to pledge allegiance to some lofty sounding ideology or political figure on a pedestal, and to quietly submit to the norms of a culture and religion, and fade away into the masses of your culture.

These are mere safety nets, to ensure the system works and people are relatively content. To be an occultist means to delve into the Chaos that lies at the boundaries of Society. Only he who knows Chaos can adequately defend Order. And right now, more than ever before, in the face of this attempt to wipe away people’s identity and turn them into uniform drones, this means to stand for one’s people and homeland. This is what truly unites us. This is what “diversity” means.

You may very well say, that this set of values, this “God” is an illusion, that identity is an illusion. Sam Harris and many other spiritual atheists have said so. And to soem degree they’re right. This “God”, these values of “nationalism” or “homeland” or “community” are consciously perceived. They are the crown of Yetzirah, the Chayoth ha Qadesh, and obviously they are below the spiritual truths of Briah and Atziluth. But such platitudes are part of the spiritual blindness that has caused people for centuries to disregard Yetzirah and Assiah, Air and Earth. Statements like “the material world is just an illusion” or “identity and culture are artificial” are symptoms of this. It shows that the person saying them has not understood the lower worlds, and so he simply cannot understand the higher ones. I won’t trust any spiritual truths following these statements, because they will be incomplete and imbalanced.

People need community. They all have desires and thoughts, beliefs and values. It is simply not possible to discard these so non nonchalantly without having a pretty good replacement. It is a spiritual idealism that has left people alienated, isolated and bitter, and very susceptible to fall to political ideology

Corporate Propaganda to sell you something. You know very well they’re just models, but it’s part of the drama that this is a real college picture. Trust me, I’ve actually been the “token foreigner” for a pamphlet. Not that I minded though.